I never really told anyone over at SNS yet but I’ve been quite depressed this past 2 months. I spazz and talk to people as if nothing happened to me. But there has been too much happening to make me cry at every moment possible.
The first reason is because my cat, Taru, went missing. We woke up one weekend and I didn’t see him in his usual spot beside the window. He wasn’t on top of the bookshelves where he would get an afternoon nap. I assumed he was outside in our little garden getting some sun so I didn’t mind. But as the day went by, he didn’t come home. I spent 2 days walking around the neighborhood looking for him but I couldn’t find him. My mother told me someone must have been interested in him and took him. Up until now, every morning, I would cry thinking about him. Especially when I come home and he’s not by the door waiting for me to come in. He was the sweetest, and yet, most diva-like cat I have ever had.
Then after a week of Taru’s absence, our dog, Knockout, got sick. He wouldn’t eat and he lost weight. It was only the second time my family sent a pet to a vet. My mom and brother loved that dog too much. I do not like dogs but I still loved Knockout. Since I was the only working individual at home, I shouldered all of the vet fees. My mom couldn’t leave Knockout at the vet so we took him home with IV fluids. It personally hurt to see him only at home sitting in one corner and not playing with me. I look at Knockout and I sense in him that he was too weak. After 3 days, Knockout cut the IV fluids from his arm. We had to take him back to the vet to attach the needle back. I told mom that maybe he doesn’t like it anymore but she insisted. But that afternoon, Knckout cut it again. I told her not to give him IV fluids anymore. He didn’t like it. He didn’t drink his medicines anymore, too. He would throw them up. You know those times when people tell you that if it’s your time to go, you’ll know? I felt that with Knockout. I didn’t want him to go but the way he looks at me, the way he stopped taking his medicines, was a sign. He knew it would be worthless if we continue with all of that. I told mom that we should stop. I know she woudln’t let him go but I insisted she tell him that’s it’s gonna be all right. But she insisted we go to another vet and ask for a second opinion. And the bad news welcomed us. At the initial blood exam Knockout had, he had very low blood count. The vet said dogs’ normal blood count was around 540. Knockout only had 15. No expert was needed to understand what that meant. There was no more hope.
When we came back home that day, I sat beside Knockout and looked at him. I did not speak. I did not cry. I knew what would come. I told mom to tell her goodbyes, to finish it already. We would never be able to save him anyway. Throughout the day, she did. And that afternoon, Knockout left. I was sad because I spent so much on him to lose him like that. But more greatly was I sad to lose a pet and companion like Knockout. He always played with me. He would sleep in my room with me in the day when I come from work. He was the reason a tooth of mine was not aligned with the others. He used to always jump and kiss our lips when we come home. He always stopped the cats from fighting. I miss him.
And just last week, I lost another one of my cats, Summer. Summer has been with me for more than 3 years. We’ve never been close but I loved him. I hated the way he always digs his claws onto my skin but he would always just sit right next to me on the sofa when he knows I’m pissed off. He got sick. I noticed him avoiding me and sleeping far from me. He didn’t let me touch him, too. Mom told me she saw him throw up. It’s sometimes normal for them to do that, right? especially when they don’t like the food or if they ate some pest they shouldn’t have. But mom called me at the office and said he looked so weak and that he didn’t eat dinner. I was worried, of course, But I had to wait until I got home to see what I can do. I came home next morning and mom gave him to me to carry while she prepares the medicines he should take. He didn’t look weak but I knew he was in pain. I hugged him until we were done giving him his medicines. He was just there, wrapped in blanket on my stomach, the way I would always cuddle him. I heard him groan and I couldn’t do anything.
Mom said I should let him go but I couldn’t. She put him beside me on the sofa, the way he would always sit right next to me. I was touching his head when he groaned once more and dropped his head to his side. It was the end. I told him to sleep and I’ll be sleeping, too. I woke up and mom told me that when I went inside my room, she checked on Summer and he was already. I knew he was, I just didn’t tell them because I knew I would cry. Mom said that Summer only waited for me to come home so he could leave. I knew Summer would never leave without telling me. I knew Summer has been so jealous of Taru. But when Taru went missing, it was him who comforted me greatly. He would enter my room and sleep right next to me. He heard my cries because of Taru. He would wake me up when it’s time to get ready for work.
My heart has been shattered too much these past two months and until now, I still feel so down. Coming home has never been the same.
So there. I’m trying to be fine and happy. My other cat, Hershey, gave birth last month to 3 kittens. I guess, God gave them to fill in what has left. One of them has actually started to like me. It sees me sit on the couch and it will find its way up my pants and into my arms. Such a lovely creature. I know I’ll always remember Taru, Knockout and Summer. They’ll always be in my heart. I just had to let this out and hopefully lift my spirits up. Thank you for reading.
If you have a pet, don’t make them feel neglected. Don’t hurt them. Love and care for them. In the end, when everyone else you love leaves you, your pets will always be at your door waiting for you to come home, waiting to lick their tongues across your cheek and make you feel happy. Treat them as blessings and treasures because that’s what they really are.